Miscarriage
My sister-in-law is having a miscarriage. It's been difficult for her and the family. I feel so sorry for her. She's a million miles from her home country, her parents, her sisters and her closest friends while going through what's got to be the hardest thing in her life.
On Saturday she took this pill to make her miscarriage come out. She started bleeding. On Tuesday night, my brother called me in a panic saying that she was in intense pain and then passed this 8 cm by 3 cm thing. It was the right size for a 12 week old fetus, it had a cord attached to it but there was no shape to it. It didn't have arms, legs or eyes. By 12 weeks all of that should have been formed. But they were totally shocked because they only saw a line in the ultrasound the week before. Their OB said the fetus was aborbed in the blood. They didn't expect this big thing to come out. She'll get more updates this afternoon. I hope they find answers to their questions because the doctors keep confusing them with opposing information about the failed pregnancy. Then the OB didn't properly prepare them for what to expect when actually having this miscarriage. I am not impressed with the service they're receiving.
I think the hardest thing for me is that I don't know how to talk about my feelings regarding this issue. I shut down emotionally. I'm not sure how to talk about it. I'm devestated. I'm so hurt. I'm shocked, upset, scared and hopeful all at the same time. I have to go to work and I'm feeling so cruddy inside. I'm feeling so down. I know I can just be myself and not have to put on a show for anyone. But, I can't mope either!
On the positive side, at least my sister-in-law isn't in pain anymore. She's not bleeding more and her temperature is normal. Hopefully the miscarriage is now complete.
This morning I read Psalm 42 & 43 and it echoed how I feel.
Psalm 42:5 "Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my Saviour and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember your kindness..."
Psalm 42:8a "Through each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me..."
Psalm 43:3 "Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live."
I feel so discouraged, sad and grieved inside. But at the same time, I also recognize and feel this wonderful love and grace from God. I feel hopeful like things are going to be okay. There is no explanation why I felt so horrible Wednesday morning and then why after Al started praying for me I started feeling much better except for God is answering Al's prayer. God loves me, I'm sure. God loves Al, I'm sure. He cares about us. That is so great to recognize that God loves me. I'm so awed by it! I guess at least it's not all bad. And hopefully these good feelings will outweigh the bad ones. And hopefully, I will get more and more good days. And hopefully a greater good will come out of this tragedy.
I guess I'm starting to work through it. Thanks for listening.
On Saturday she took this pill to make her miscarriage come out. She started bleeding. On Tuesday night, my brother called me in a panic saying that she was in intense pain and then passed this 8 cm by 3 cm thing. It was the right size for a 12 week old fetus, it had a cord attached to it but there was no shape to it. It didn't have arms, legs or eyes. By 12 weeks all of that should have been formed. But they were totally shocked because they only saw a line in the ultrasound the week before. Their OB said the fetus was aborbed in the blood. They didn't expect this big thing to come out. She'll get more updates this afternoon. I hope they find answers to their questions because the doctors keep confusing them with opposing information about the failed pregnancy. Then the OB didn't properly prepare them for what to expect when actually having this miscarriage. I am not impressed with the service they're receiving.
I think the hardest thing for me is that I don't know how to talk about my feelings regarding this issue. I shut down emotionally. I'm not sure how to talk about it. I'm devestated. I'm so hurt. I'm shocked, upset, scared and hopeful all at the same time. I have to go to work and I'm feeling so cruddy inside. I'm feeling so down. I know I can just be myself and not have to put on a show for anyone. But, I can't mope either!
On the positive side, at least my sister-in-law isn't in pain anymore. She's not bleeding more and her temperature is normal. Hopefully the miscarriage is now complete.
This morning I read Psalm 42 & 43 and it echoed how I feel.
Psalm 42:5 "Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my Saviour and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember your kindness..."
Psalm 42:8a "Through each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me..."
Psalm 43:3 "Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live."
I feel so discouraged, sad and grieved inside. But at the same time, I also recognize and feel this wonderful love and grace from God. I feel hopeful like things are going to be okay. There is no explanation why I felt so horrible Wednesday morning and then why after Al started praying for me I started feeling much better except for God is answering Al's prayer. God loves me, I'm sure. God loves Al, I'm sure. He cares about us. That is so great to recognize that God loves me. I'm so awed by it! I guess at least it's not all bad. And hopefully these good feelings will outweigh the bad ones. And hopefully, I will get more and more good days. And hopefully a greater good will come out of this tragedy.
I guess I'm starting to work through it. Thanks for listening.
2 Comments:
At 5:41 p.m.,
butterflies said…
Im going through a really hard, sad time too and all I can do is trust God.He is my strength and without God I would be floundering.
James is dying of cancer and hes going downhill fast even though hes lasted longer than any doc said he would.Im sick as well so its a double blow!
I hope you will feel better as the day goes on..Im sorry about your S-I-L and I will pray for her.(I had 4 miscarriages before I had my strong healthy son).
At 11:01 p.m.,
Polar Bear said…
It is scary what happened to your sister in law. I feel for her. It must have been very traumatic, and I undertsnad your grief and sadness. It's a hard place to be at. I'm glad you are looking towards God for comfort and hope. Know that He will always be there for you as long as you reach out to Him.
HUGS
Polar B.
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