LInk
Link to http://www.xanga.com/yukidog. This is my xanga site that I update more frequently, if you're wondering where I am.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005
Goodbyes
I so suck at saying "Goodbye" and dealing with difficult issues. Well, now I have to say Goodbye to some people I really, really love. It's sooo difficult. I'm just avoiding but I have to deal with it and help them deal with it too. They're starting up small groups, now, but I will only be there for another month and a half. Our new condo's closing date is extended to Nov. 8th and I just wish that our closing date at NCAC could also be extended. But, it won't be. June 30th is our last day at NCAC. I think the thing that's hardest is that I LOVED these people so much, almost like they were my own kids. And when I was at my lowest point and felt like ending it all (a few years ago), I wrote down some of their names..frank, lianne, warren, josh...and thinking of them gave me courage to not end it all. I thought of how it would set such a bad example and hurt them so much. I thought about how much I loved them and never wanted to hurt them. I just love them so much. They are like my kids in many ways. Each week I see them, I feel such an overwhelming amount of joy and pride. Just thinking of them gives me such joy. To take that all away is so difficult. I will, of course, always carry them in my heart & soul. I have learned from them the lesson to just be yourself, even if it's out of the ordinary and it's okay. (They're good at that!:)) And I learned to love and care for others in a "pastoral/parental" way. Also, I learned from them to just enjoy life and to enjoy being silly. They have taught me so much. I will take what they taught me. And I will take the memories that I have with them. I have learned to give people and myself a second chance. To not give up but to continue to show grace, like they have done with me & others. Love can conquer all. So sad to say goodbye to what feels like my family. I can't imagine life without them. I think for a while my heart will feel so empty and sad. What will fill me with joy when they're not around?! My kids...my pride & joy. My Mindy, Josh, Frank, Li Li, Warren, Dave, Tony... my love.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Core Identity
Dr. Q and I met yesterday. It was good. He wants me to NOT run away from feelings I'm scared of. Instead, I'm suppose to ACCEPT them. Then, I'm suppose to get an objective point of view. And then, act out of the consistency of who I am.
The problem with this exercise is that it builds on the last homework I was given. I'm suppose to journal about who I am. I listed lots of characteristics about who I am as a person. I can list a lot of things I'm both good and bad at DOING, but the homework wasn't about skills. I can describe myself and how I typically act, but it asked what's good and bad about ME. I listed things I saw as negative (1 1/2 pages) but when it came to things I see as good things about me, I only got two things!! Ah!! I think I said, I'm caring and something else...I forget. Ah! If this is the part I'm suppose to act out of, then how can I if I don't even know what's at the core of who I am as a person?!!
At the core of who I am (the transcendant self, as Dr. Q calls it), the part that doesn't change throughout time, I'm not sure. AH! Anyway, gotta go back to work!
The problem with this exercise is that it builds on the last homework I was given. I'm suppose to journal about who I am. I listed lots of characteristics about who I am as a person. I can list a lot of things I'm both good and bad at DOING, but the homework wasn't about skills. I can describe myself and how I typically act, but it asked what's good and bad about ME. I listed things I saw as negative (1 1/2 pages) but when it came to things I see as good things about me, I only got two things!! Ah!! I think I said, I'm caring and something else...I forget. Ah! If this is the part I'm suppose to act out of, then how can I if I don't even know what's at the core of who I am as a person?!!
At the core of who I am (the transcendant self, as Dr. Q calls it), the part that doesn't change throughout time, I'm not sure. AH! Anyway, gotta go back to work!
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Picture of me!
Yup, thought it'd be time to both show my picture and find out how to work my picture profile! This is my picture!
My Five Questions from Polar Bear!
Where would you most like to take vacation?
I'm so biased...I think the most beautiful place in the world is northern Ontario, Canada. I would love to spend time up north in a luxurious cottage right on a private lake in Ontario! Roasting marshmellows and hotdogs over a campfire. Swimming, sitting on the deck watching the stars at night and suntanning during the day! Playing cards with friends. Yeah!
Who do I most admire & respect? And why?
Honestly, I think I admire people like Hudson Taylor and Jim Elliott. People who gave up their lives or most of their lives living in a harsh, uncomfortable environment just to share the gospel with others. They loved the people and God so much that they gave up everything for them.
My idea of the perfect weekend activity?
Barbecue party, suntanning, hanging out on the porch with Al chatting, going to a cottage or camping. Not hard to please!
The happiest moment in my life?
On my honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico at the Sheraton Bugeon Villas. Just the whole week was so awesome...it was like paradise. Our hotel looked onto the ocean. We slept in everyday and ate an awesome brunch with fresh fruit, yogurt, freshly squeezed orange juice, harshbrowns, sausages! Yum! We hung out on the beach or by the pool until lunch time. Then, we'd order nachos with guacomole, salsa and carbonated lemonade EVERY lunch! At night, we'd jacuzzi in the hottub outside and try fajitas at a local restaurant! So fun!
What do you love most in life?
Husband, family, friends. No thing could ever take the place of a friend or person I value in my life. They are most valuable "things" I could ever love.
If you want to play, ask me to post 5 questions on your blog and you can play, too!
My Five Questions from Polar Bear!
Where would you most like to take vacation?
I'm so biased...I think the most beautiful place in the world is northern Ontario, Canada. I would love to spend time up north in a luxurious cottage right on a private lake in Ontario! Roasting marshmellows and hotdogs over a campfire. Swimming, sitting on the deck watching the stars at night and suntanning during the day! Playing cards with friends. Yeah!
Who do I most admire & respect? And why?
Honestly, I think I admire people like Hudson Taylor and Jim Elliott. People who gave up their lives or most of their lives living in a harsh, uncomfortable environment just to share the gospel with others. They loved the people and God so much that they gave up everything for them.
My idea of the perfect weekend activity?
Barbecue party, suntanning, hanging out on the porch with Al chatting, going to a cottage or camping. Not hard to please!
The happiest moment in my life?
On my honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico at the Sheraton Bugeon Villas. Just the whole week was so awesome...it was like paradise. Our hotel looked onto the ocean. We slept in everyday and ate an awesome brunch with fresh fruit, yogurt, freshly squeezed orange juice, harshbrowns, sausages! Yum! We hung out on the beach or by the pool until lunch time. Then, we'd order nachos with guacomole, salsa and carbonated lemonade EVERY lunch! At night, we'd jacuzzi in the hottub outside and try fajitas at a local restaurant! So fun!
What do you love most in life?
Husband, family, friends. No thing could ever take the place of a friend or person I value in my life. They are most valuable "things" I could ever love.
If you want to play, ask me to post 5 questions on your blog and you can play, too!
